There’s something about caretaking that is both exhausting and uneventful, and also meaningful and special. I keep coming back to the “doing” of work, things that are made or produced, and then the work of being with people and supporting people.
I have been spending this past week helping to care for my father who is recovering from double bypass surgery. Much of what I “do” while here is wash dishes, prepare meals, help my father get up from his chair, help him dress. But also much of what I do is simply be present and I have found this to be possibly the most appreciated or valued part of my “caretaking.” Being present to make light, make jokes, laugh, converse, share stories, listen to stories. This is valued. I have heard many times from friends and family how glad they are that I am here with my mother who is the primary caretaker. “I’m so glad you’re there.” That is all they say: “I’m glad you’re there.”
Our society places so much emphasis on productivity and “doing” when many times what is mostly needed is simply being. And our society makes this difficult. We’re told to respond to emails, pick up children, participate in meetings, write reports, whatever the case may be. Rarely are we told that simply being is enough, and not just enough but wanted and appreciated and needed by those who love us most.
Three years ago this week my mother was with me while I was caring for my newborn son. The 3 short months I spent being with my son after his birth were some of the most precious moments in my life. My loving and supportive husband would tell me he didn’t expect anything of me while I was home but to be; be with our son and rest. What a wonderful partner and support he is. My mother came to help me during this time and simply her presence was a gift. Having another mother with me to share stories, laugh with me, make meals with me (or for me), hold and enjoy our baby with me, was the biggest joy I could ask for.
Now this week I am being there for my father as this is what we do as a family, as a community. We are there for each other when we need each other. We are there. We are present. We love.
Let us all be present for each other. It is the greatest gift we can give.
